My friends, it is with a heavy heart that I address you this afternoon. The above picture was leaked to the media earlier today(probably by those dickbats BaffledinBrooklyn and MarilynManson: Living the Dream). In light of this newest sex scandal, I have decided to resign from the 20,000th Helms Deep Like race.
This picture represents a dark period in my past, a door that I thought had been closed for good. But I’ve realized that the past is never truly gone, but remains a part of us, every day. To my loving wife, and daughter, I’m so terribly sorry. To my followers, who believed, truly believed that I would secure Helm’s Deep’s 20,000th like, I thank you for your faith, and I’m sorry I can no longer be the candidate you hoped for.
At this point, I’d like to ask my followers to throw their support behind TheOtherKels. Throughout the race, she has shown a courage and passion for the 20,000th Like that is highly commendable. She has also proven herself to be above such as heinous tactics used by BaffledinBrooklyn and Meerkat Manor: Living the Dream. She has shown herself to be above reproach and truly deserving of your support.
Thank you all. Godspeed. Dickbat.